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I'm such a dissapointment....

(edit: making this very briefly public so "she" can comment...and I mean the "other she")

I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this why did I do it???? Why why why why why????

I feel like a total dissapointment and that I dissapoint a lot of people including myself, Angel, Inagawayuu, miwa, and most of all God.

I guess I don't care who knows now;....feel free to tear me apart and tear me a new one when you read this.....

http://www.livejournal.com/users/starlight_gc/14648.html?thread=9272#t9272

Comments

( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
weemumlessmngrl
Jan. 25th, 2004 01:51 pm (UTC)
Thats so low. You made this post to where your girlfriend could read it, right?
skrain_bodak
Jan. 25th, 2004 02:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah....
it's not if it's a secret anymore...I already feel so bad...I know what a lot of people would think of me, especially those on my list that I know from Anime Angels, so why not lay it all out there so I can feel much worse about it.

the only reason I made it friends only is that I do think I remember an indeterminate time ago, under the "it's my house, it's my credit card paying the bill, my name on the account" philosophy, my mom saying that if she ever has an idea that I'm even cybering on here that she'd delete the AT&T Worldnet account and therefore no more internet.

There's just so much on here...I've got my friends, I've got the occasional class that requires internet access for homework, I do remember the last time I had to write out a term paper that I spent a lot of time online getting sources.... Why should I make this situation worse to where I make this visible to my mom as well and make it so I'd have to walk to the public library or something to access??

*last second edit* WHA? SHE NEVER SENT THE EMAIL? IT DIDN'T GO THROUGH AND SHE TOLD ME IT DID???? TO TRICK ME? :-&
Re: Yeah.... - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yeah.... - skrain_bodak - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yeah.... - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yeah.... - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yeah.... - zannah - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
how do you know it's not both Z????? - skrain_bodak - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
infinite_dream
Jan. 25th, 2004 02:22 pm (UTC)
Wait... I don't think I get it... you cheated on your girlfriend online via Yahoo Messenger, and the girl you cheated with threatened to tell your girlfriend by e-mail so you sent an e-mail first but the other girl's e-mail never actually got sent and now your girlfriend knows?
skrain_bodak
Jan. 25th, 2004 02:33 pm (UTC)
yes....
I'm such a loser
infinite_dream
Jan. 25th, 2004 03:37 pm (UTC)
Re: yes....
Well... that was pretty low...
Re: yes.... - skrain_bodak - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: yes.... - infinite_dream - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: yes.... - skrain_bodak - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
Jan. 25th, 2004 02:40 pm (UTC)
Yep!
That would be correct. For the sake of saving myself more embarrasement from those who do not know me, I chose to go anonymous in this post. I am very hurt over this. I am already going through depression over many other things going on in my life and then I hear about all this. This was so unfair. First I have to put up with that crap from my ex, and now from my bf who I no longer consider my bf. I don't think I did anything to diserve this. And I don't appreciate my identity being known from those who do know who I am. I just can't believe I allowed myself to be put through this again. I can guarantee that I will never meet anyone on the net again. You just can't trust anyone like that.
Re: Yep! - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yep! - loreeley - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yep! - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - loreeley - Jan. 25th, 2004 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yep! - infinite_dream - Jan. 25th, 2004 03:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
loreeley
Jan. 25th, 2004 04:38 pm (UTC)
*hug*
sleepybluekitty
Jan. 25th, 2004 06:40 pm (UTC)
definitly wrong
Well what you did was definitly wrong. It was disrespectful, not only to angel but to yourself and God. However you have to take this as a learning experience. God wanted you to go through this for a reason, you should take a look at yourself and see what it is you need to change before you are with anyone again. You don't want to end up making the same mistakes. I suggest an apology to Angel and then you need to work on your relationship with God, until that is good, it would probably be a good idea not try anything else. Remember all things can be done through God as long as you have faith, patience and trust.

{p.s. I don't know what is up with the Grump you will have to ask him about the deleting thing}

Much Hope and Many Blessings! =^_^=
infinite_dream
Jan. 25th, 2004 08:45 pm (UTC)
Re: definitly wrong
Hello... uh... I don't want to start a religious debate in here or anything... but I just saw something that bothered me a bit and wanted to comment in a hopefully non-intrusive way. :0)

"God wanted you to go through this for a reason"

I don't think that God wants these things of people (if He did, woudln't that mean He wanted Angel to suffer so that somebody else could learn a lesson?). I think that it was Skrain's own decision to go through that; God gives us free will and has allowed us to choose our path... but God will definitely be there to help him through it and to help him to learn from it now that he's gone and done it.

Sorry... I just wanted to say that. You are free to disagree of course and that's fine, I just wanted to say it. :0)
weemumlessmngrl
Jan. 29th, 2004 11:12 pm (UTC)
Re: definitly wrong
Okay, I know we're not in the same religion or anything, but in my religion, we don't believe that God wants you to go through things that are sinfull. Trust me, its not in his great scheme of things for Al to go off and cyber with people on the internet while cheating on his girlfriend that he had premarital sex with. Theres a whole 'nother Immortal that takes care of that department.
skrain_bodak
Jan. 30th, 2004 07:46 am (UTC)
true
but He also gave us free will. I was going to mention Job but that's another story b/c Satan was allowed to try and make Job not believe and he believed all the way through. God never wants us to sin, yes, but then if He also didn't want us to go through sinful behavior then there'd be no need for a Savior and also if this was intended to be a perfect world, there would also be no free will.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right anyway b/c in the beginning the world was perfect and Adam and Eve had free will, then they screwed it up, and then after everything is over and recreated, then it would all be perfect again and we would still have free will but we wouldn't screw it up again.

Just proves we're all imperfect huh?
Re: true - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 31st, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) - Expand
sleepybluekitty
Jan. 30th, 2004 08:38 am (UTC)
Re: definitly wrong
you both are right that God doesn't want us to go through pain and heartache, but he will allow us to go through it to test/teach us something, which would ultimately been in His plan for us. If we were never allowed to go through it, then there would be no point for us to rely on Him because then everything would be perfect.

Much Hope and Many Blessings! =^_^=
Re: definitly wrong - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 31st, 2004 06:45 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: definitly wrong - cheetaheyes - Jan. 31st, 2004 12:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: definitly wrong - weemumlessmngrl - Jan. 31st, 2004 06:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
inagawayuu
Jan. 26th, 2004 05:50 am (UTC)
I've been following what you've been saying all week, and all I have to say is this:

You knew exactly what you were doing, you did a HORRIBLE thing to Angel, and you thought you could get away with it. Sorry, but you are in no shape to be in any sort of relationship right now and you acted like a immature teenager.

I don't know what your reasons were for not moving closer to her, but in a relationship you must be able to put each other first in your priorities and make sure that you can come up with the best solution to make it work. If one party is not willing to be there for the other, than it's useless, and you're obviously not willing or able to make that commitment.

You've been sounding like you've been wanting out of the relationship for a while, or wanted to find someone new but keep Angel as a backup for just in case. (That's the vibe I definetly got from the post you made earlier in the week) You weren't ready to deal with the responsibilities that would come with being a potential step-father, but instead of being a man about it, you resorted to LJ drama. Come ON. If you really were serious about Angel, you would NOT have flirted online, and you *definetly* would not have made your 'cryptic post' earlier.

I'm not the one you should be apoligizing to or seeking forgiveness from. To be honest, this relationship would take a LOT to save, and Angel and her boys would be better off if you weren't a big part of her life right now. She doesn't need the drama.

You have a lot of growing up to do...
miwasatoshi
Jan. 28th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC)
Let me borrow a phrase from my roommate.

STOP AMPING.

You're amplifying yourself into a more pathetic person than you already are by saying how "awful" and "disappointing" you are, whether on LJ, or at all. It's self-pity, and it won't help you now.

Fine, you made some pretty serious mistakes in your life, to the point where your relationship's over, and your mom's not happy with you. Hell, you're right, I'm not happy with you, and I'm a guy who you've talked to only, what, a couple times on the Internet?

We all make mistakes, man. We're human, we can't help it. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes, move on and try not to make the same mistakes again.

You know, my wife has been disabled this whole time, right? But she worked her ass off anyway, despite everything going against her, whether her body or her mind was trying to fail her. Yeah, we're not exactly rich, but we do what we can, because I refuse to rely on my family or my friends to do it for me. What would that accomplish?

So you don't want your mother to turn you into a clone of hers? Prove it. Even if you're only earning $6 an hour, you've got to strive towards independence. No one else, not a family member, not a lover, not a wife, can give you that -- that sort of defeats the purpose. You must do this yourself.

Certainly you won't be alone. You will have friends to guide you. But we can not take those steps for you, you must do the walking.

Right now, yes, I am disappointed in you. You're resorting to cheap tricks and petty bickering, and when you screw up, you go all self-pity, oh poor me, I done wrong. You are acting like a child, and you can not afford to.

Life isn't forever -- but you still have more chances left to live. Right now, you need to learn to start taking care of yourself rather than relying on anyone else. Only when you can truly trust in yourself and take care of yourself can you even begin to think about doing the same for someone else.

That's a responsibility I had to learn, too, and while yes, I am younger than you and probably have no right lecturing you like this, I think these are words you need to hear. Not want, need.

I know you are a better person than this. Now you need to prove me right.

Are you willing to do that?
cheetaheyes
Jan. 31st, 2004 12:17 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* I'm here if ya need me. I don't agree with what you did, but I don't see that it's that big of a deal as everyone is treating it. Expecially one person, but i'm not going to go there. I love you as a brother, hope everything works out.
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )