?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

I'm doing this (custom) friends only but I don't see why...my mom apparently snoops into almost every (forgive the almost censored French) f***ing thing that doesn't concern her or private things that could concern her in a circular roundabout way.

The first part doesn't actually concern her and it bugs the crap out of me that she'd, for some odd reason, want to intentionally go into MY side of the XP machine and go snooping around MY email fro crap! I kinda knew I had my Juno program minimized this morning but now I definately know that I wasn't losing it as much as I am losing my mind now!!!

Okay now for the first thing: Mom had NOT (since almost the beginning) and still doesn't trust Angel. She still thinks Angel is "after [my] money" and still is having a big deal over some of what we did when she visited. Just the other month, Angel told me in a convo that my mom was too controlling, even though my mom denies it to my face, like she denies a lot of other shit (again pardon my French)...including this last major nasty verbal fight I had with her on the way home from sis's house where I suddenly spilled it that Angel thinks my mom is controlling and all that and that I do know she's controlling and that she doesn't give a f*** about Angel, which she denies by saying she had "no opinion one way or the other about Angel."

I kinda knew I was being led to nose around her inbox for a reason, I knew it because it was my instinct that she was looking through MY EMAIL. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I just had to know because this is very bad.

Oh hell I'd better just post this as it is now and then edit it on her side...I got to quote her email to my uncle... Oh btw, there's been "certain bporonkmarks".....that were so deep in the bookmark file (we usually use Netscape unless we really need to use IE) that I honestly forgot where there b/c supposedly I hid them good long ago and apparently didn't do a good job b/c I forgot about them but she found them easily and that's the other thing she was telling him about...I'll leave some of the sensitive stuff out of the quote....

Edit: Here it is edited for one person's protection...(no not mine!)
======================================================
Randy, I need your help. It's about Al. I'm concerned that the woman from arkansas might be looking for money in some way or other. first of all the two times she came to visit they have unprotected sex. but that still doesn't protect you from getting a sexually transmitted disease, and I know she told Al that she's not rich. And then I find out that he has been cibering( internet sex) and I accidentally found some pics in the bookmarks. I need your help, please.
Would you know how I could get legal guardianship of Al? How much would it cost?
Please let me know that your home from your cruise, so we could figure this out.
Love, Jan
==========================================================

How can I confront her on this???? She invaded my privacy and I think she even LIED to me when she told me "I have no opinion one way or another about Angel." I know she's my mom but how can she invade my privacy about this? Despite my recent postings, and the occasional post where I whine about this or that...my job, certain federal holidays where school and/or government offices are at least off work for the day and flood the restaurant, I am an adult.

She has never liked most if not all of my interests other than some movies (off the top of my head...movies like Braveheart, Private Ryan, K-19, Pearl Harbor, and on TV: the British sitcoms on PBS, Days of our Lives, Reba, and American Dreams)....she definately I think, doesn't like anime (with the only exception being Princess Mononoke which we've seen many moons ago), Battletech, and she even discouraged me from wearing this Starfleet tunic that I bought many conventions ago because (I think at the time I tried to wear it to the Trek Expo one year...) "It's too hot to wear that..." though there were people that dress up in similar costumes, and ones that go dressed as Klingons and Andoreans, etc...and Star Wars fans go too...recently I've seen Stormtroopers, Jedis and even a Boba Fett!

In fact, I actually don't think she definately hates anime, BT, etc... I KNOW she abhors and HATES them...

I've had legal guardianship explained to me a few years ago when I used to be secondary on my mom's card...a few of you know the story....but could any of you refresh my memory?? Does this mean that I can't spend one cent out of my checking account without "mommy's express permission"??? If so, then does this mean that my mom really wants what's best for me or does she want me to be turned into her clone? By the way SHE'S been acting, I think the latter.

I am starting to think she would rather me be single, not married not in any relationship at all...I even think she'd rather see me unhappy just because dad died just short of 24 years ago and she's been in a few crappy relationships herself, she's been miserable with men since and miserable by herself and she'd rather see me miserable since my sister married my brother in law after having my nephew out of wedlock. They both got heavy into church (which is surprising since my sister keeps teasing me about my now former relationship) and are now happy, or so I think they are, and my mom is jealous!

If she really goes through with this, then I don't know what to do because I will not be my mom's stinking clone! If legal guardianship is having total control over checking account then I know perfectly well what my mom will do even though she would deny it! She wouldn't agree to me subscribing to Shonen Jump, she wouldn't agree to me buying sci fi novels especially any Battletech novels that catch my eye, and she'd have just that much more power to NOT drop by Wizard's Asylum (my usual game shop) to buy Battletech materials or Magic the Gathering cards, or Voyager cards...and if by any chance she does give the OK for a Trek Expo, she'd at least tell me "just for the tickets" when she pulls up to Starbase 21 (another game shop) so I can get the tickets...and then what then? I go to the convention and I can't write out any checks to get pics to autograph and stuff?

just pray for me before I say anymore, least of all some words of disgust for this sneaky monster that's my mom (oops maybe too late).

Edit: don't have time to read all of this and I think it only gives the definitions but here's one site googled for your convienience (sp)

http://www.expertlaw.com/library/pubarticles/Estate_Planning/guardianship.html#2

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
loreeley
Jan. 27th, 2004 11:30 pm (UTC)
Hmmm...I don't know about legal guardianship so I can't help you with that. I'm thinking though...you and Angel are not a couple anymore (from what I gather, at least) so maybe that is what you should have told your mother rather than about Angel's opinion of her, which in all fairness did not help the situation one bit. As for your mother not liking Angel or any other girl, well she isn't supposed to care about Angel, that is not her role. It used to be yours, as her boyfriend. Did you care about her? Did you make sure to care and make her happy and protect her and all that stuff boyfriends are meant to do? Don't blame your mother when you failed yourself...
skrain_bodak
Jan. 27th, 2004 11:53 pm (UTC)
The fight/argument I referred to...
it didn't happen tonight, the nasty argument took place right after the Christmas visit, which I shall add details to now, included a whole bunch of swearing and yelling and didn't even start out about Angel, saying the F-word about at least 10 times, not "malf," I literally used the F-word....then near the end of the argument I also began insulting my mom. I won't exactly say what I said b/c if I did, everyone would absolutely hate me if they haven't already done so.
zannah
Jan. 27th, 2004 11:48 pm (UTC)
I don't understand how you can be so angry about your mother "snooping around your private email" but then turn around and do the same thing to her (being "led" or not). Pot/kettle?

You can't confront her for doing the same thing you just did.

Regarding the other: aren't you too old to have a parental guardian (which I think ends at age 18)?
skrain_bodak
Jan. 28th, 2004 12:03 am (UTC)
it's true about parental guardian....
but legal guardianship, from what little I remember from the threats concerning my B&N.com purchases in 2000, concerns, for example, a relative of a disabled adult taking control of said adult's finances and finacial status out of concern that a: he or she would go on a spending splurge and possibly bankrupt his/herself buying a whole bunch of crap other than necessities like the most neccessary bills like utilities and overhead and groceries and clothes...or b: out of total fear that said disabled (or possibly otherwise) adult could get involved with someone that could get to that person's weak areas to establish relationship and then get all the money and run or c: said disabled or otherwise person ends up like my grandpa and doesn't know and couldn't do much of anything anymore (had a few heart attacks and is half paralyzed in a wheelchair and the only word he can say now is "goddammit").

Edit: look above for the edit.....I don't have time to look over it all but I did google the term and saw the definition...
skrain_bodak
Jan. 28th, 2004 12:17 am (UTC)
oh...btw...I am upset that she couldn't trust me...I mean earlier yesterday (since now it's the next day) I thought "Okay maybe I just thought I minimized Juno but didn't" because I've done that quite a lot...I'd think I've done something and then look again hours later to see that it wasn't the case. Like setting up the VCR...I do know there have been times when I rushed out the door and didn't set it up to tape it by itself and I thought I did and come home and it's like "Grr!! Didn't set it up to tape Days and Passions!"

It was only about 2 hours ago that I had this wierd feeling in my gut because I do remember when my mom's box didn't work just quite right and she wanted my help trying to get it working back the way it was and I had to mess around inside of it to fix it. I did see some stuff that was similar to the email tonight. That's what prompted me to check.

Besides, I know I've done things that are untrustworthy...heck....I've done untrustworthy stuff to my mom which were to me few and far between....

Besides, what I've been thinking of was just, out of the blue, just fish and mention the fact that Juno was "up" and not minimized on my side of things. Ask her what she knew of it since I thought I minimized it. Of course it might be best if I ask after werk so I would be in the best frame of mind while clocked in.
infinite_dream
Jan. 28th, 2004 05:35 am (UTC)
I have mixed feelings about snooping. On the one hand, my parents have snooped in my stuff before and because of it, were able to help me straighten myself out. Of course, this was all before I turned 18. Once I turned 18, they stopped doing that.

It is indeed an invasion of privacy and quite rude, but at the same time, try and look at what your mother is really saying here. Her saving grace in the matter is that she obviously cares much about you, even if it manifests in strange and even rude ways. If I were you, I'd be "better" than her, and just come out with the TRUTH. Tell her what you did and that you'd like to talk about it (unless you know she'd fly off the handle and kill someone or something). Sure, it would be difficult, but wouldn't you rather she know the truth and you be able to confront her about the snooping? She can't really blame you for doing it since she did it too.

On the other hand, that's pretty stinky that she didn't trust Angel like that and snooped rather than confronting you. If anything you need to lay it out for her how you feel about that and how you feel about her snooping. There comes a point when a parent needs to let go and trust her child's decisions.

So I can't really say I blame you OR your mother on this one. You BOTH did something nasty. But you do have the opportunity to be the honest one... ya know? Don't assume that your Mom is feeling one way or another without asking her. That's one of the worst injustices you can give a person. Sometimes my Mom tells me, "I know you feel... [insert your favorite negative feeling] about this..." and when I really DON'T, that's pretty hurtful.

So try and see it from the other side as well, and realize that nobody is innocent here, you're both victims of your own doings in a way. :p
skrain_bodak
Jan. 28th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)
yeah...
and I did something else bad last night too or at least, according to mom it's bad, and it is connected to the whole thing of privacy.

I'm sure you're familiar with XP and how you just have to have at least one account (andiminstrative no less) on the machine in order for the entire thing to work right? Well, in the beginning, I had wanted to be the admin and put her on limited because there's been at least one time when we just had the Compaq where I'd be out of the house and the computer crashed when she was on it and she'd come and tell me that it crashed and she wouldn't know what exactly happened on it (because IMO she's so out of it tech savvy wise and didn't even know about pop ups until I showed her she could check her email through a webmail interface when she had problems with the other way)....

Anyway I wanted to be the only admin on the computer b/c of this fear. I told the Dell tech I wanted to be when he asked and there was a brief clamor and later mom claimed (b/c she claimed she could tell by body language) that the tech didn't like me insisting on being admin just because I was afraid that mom could crash the Dell. Then later when she discovered I changed "her side" to limited and mine to password protected admin, her and I went at it for at least a week until for some reason I caved and took off the password on mine and put her on admin too (I think the major part of it that I just remembered was that she somehow put a password up on hers too which to a degree was pretty childish "If you put a password up on yours then you have something to hide! If you don't take your password down then I'll put a password on mine and make life a little difficult").

The moral of the story is, she'd probably do something equally irrational if I outted myself on this one to her. I see that either way I could have nothing to lose. Either she'll notice I put her back on limited and put a password up on mine and do the same crap again and possibly worse, or I'll out myself and she'll still put a password up on hers. At this point if that happens, she'd also bug me and bug me and bug me and bug me to put her back on admin and I have a perfect idea on what she'll do next....put me on limited.

At least I know now that Angel isn't wrong. You are saying you agree with the controlling part right?
infinite_dream
Jan. 28th, 2004 10:07 am (UTC)
Re: yeah...
Yeah, I agree that from what you say she sounds quite controlling. However I still think that it would make you the mature one if you just told her the truth. Even if she does something irrational... that only proves all the more that you are MORE mature than she. Live by example, my friend. :0)
inagawayuu
Jan. 28th, 2004 01:19 pm (UTC)
Why don't you just move out and away from your mother?
skrain_bodak
Jan. 28th, 2004 01:41 pm (UTC)
heh.....
Let's see...$5.85 an hour, no easy way to stay more than 23 hours a week at most...a personally proven history of not being able to change jobs that easily unless whereever I look there's someone in high management that used to work with me that realizes my value and has the ultimate say so on hires....

makes things quite difficult, no?

Cases in point: when I was wrongfully terminated from Pizza Hut, I was panicking because I didn't know what to do, every summer I've been irritated enough to go looking for other jobs but the closest I've ever gotten was the first interview, but mom calmly remembered that one of the old managers that I worked with that actually liked me was then working at Mazzio's C9 a few blocks from me. We went there and he unofficially hired me on the spot.

Then a few years later, the corporate offices in Tulsa decided to test out a new thing....they wanted to test it out at the C9 location and remodel it completely from building to service. It would become a cross between a Mazzio's and the sister chain Zio's. It's still the only one of it's kind in town and is now known as "Mazzio's 2000." Anyway shortly before everyone was transferred to other locations, I was told false info that everyone would be called when the remodel was close to finishing and all we would be asked is if we wanted to return and it would be as simple as that.

Well in truth, since the new restaurant was a "melded creature" so to speak and Zio's is a different branch of the same company...Mazz 2K was also treated as a "separate corporate creature" and anyone wanting to go back needed to fill out the app like everyone else and do it like they are applying for another job. So I went there and did the app (forgetting that there were middle pages in there) and went to the interview that weekend...had to take the time to complete what I forgot...and surprise surprise...the manager that knew me, passed me along to the kitchen manager who turned me down because I wasn't qualified or experienced enough to bus tables and wash dishes. That was my second or third year at that company...and counting my years at Pizza Hut, that was my 6th or 7th.

My mom later noted by casual glances that there had seemed for a while a lot of hispanics and blacks there so she tended to think that the kitchen manager had a lot of hispanic and black friends and just wasn't comfortable hiring disabled.

So in short...financial reasons, transportation reasons (the bus is kinda untrustworthy too...do know that they don't operate in awful (snow and ice) weather or on almost all federal govt holidays), and of course if I still work for nearly $6 an hour, I'd essentially be working 30 hour days. :S
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )