Skrain Bodak (skrain_bodak) wrote,
Skrain Bodak


Okay....just to make the news a little more noticeable, I'll just start a new one here...

There's this guy in church my age there abouts, in one of the founding families of the church, and mom and I were among his many friends. Usually mom just drops me off for class and then comes back later for service and today when she did, she found this guy Greg and took him into the room set up for brides to freshen up before the wedding. I passed by and said hi to Greg and then suddenly felt led to just go on in b/c I knew what they were talking about and then I just started in saying "...the strange thing about it is, I could have sworn I had minimized Juno and switched accounts before leaving for work and then when I got home I saw it was maximized..." and then went on to say how I snooped into her inbox later and found everything out.

So later we talked more about how it wasn't just her that was worried but surprisingly Uncle Randy and Aunt Cathy (Randy and Cathy aren't married to each other , they are my mom's siblings -- they were also asking "what exactly is she after by mom's words) and I even told mom about the advice given me by so many people including the articles that I was given especially the codependency article.

Now comes the worse news....I don't know how she denied it but she did...when I made the comments that she'd be more happy if I was with someone like my second ex (the one with Downes) and that if I were involved with anyone in town that wasn't that seriously disabled, mom would still be wondering if she would be after my money, especially this one lady that's in a well-to-do family we know that used to go to our church, she's younger than I am...and anyway I did say that if I was involved with her instead, it would be a different person that my mom would still think is after my money (even though if I was involved with her instead, that she wouldn't really need my money)...and she denied that.

She doesn't see how overprotective she is but she does see a little bit more of how secretive she is. Now I feel a little bit more trapped here in the middle of nothingness....I know that I have to pray and trust God but heck....

And I was more confident of moving out at one time earlier this week but now...when I think of it....I'm not as confident. I just got to thinking of a jogistical problem. If I ever did have a way to get to a shrink every semester just so I can have disabled student services at campus so I can have isolated extended test time, then I'd either have to trust that someone, anyone, would be getting off when I do or someone would be available to take me to campus, or just bite off a little more than a half hour of extra test time just to wait on our elderly family friend to pick me up (if his grandsons don't get to him first *grumble*) so I can make it over there.

My mom said in this same convo that if I did move out, she'd have to work more often and longer to make up for me not living there (sarcastically, she needed the additional hours just to finance her years long nicotine addiction and her expensive tastes in TV dinners [she loves to get those Marie Calendars things just because "they taste better" and sometimes the steamed shrimp and the salmon]) so she couldn't provide very much transportation (but then if I have the TV, VCR, and DVD player since I paid for them when we got them, she can take the money normally spent on Cable and do something else with it.

So now she's making catty comments, whenever an assisted living or nursing home commercial comes on or she says something about what good things she would do for me, she makes the snide remark of "...but that's controlling!!!!" Also now, she's going on and on and on (well not like that but she' spacing out the crud) about me deciding by the end of the week whether or not to move out into an apartment and doing it in such a way where she'd much rather me move out anyway. The last thing she did to this effect, she listed a bunch of supplies that I need to get to move out and then made some comment of "Maybe tomorrow you can go to that apartment complex after work and check them out."

**sigh** I can't win with her.

At least this is better and could have been a whole lot worse than it is.
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