Skrain Bodak (skrain_bodak) wrote,
Skrain Bodak

I'm just thinking...could feel guilty about it...

that whenever my mom has a hacking fit or whatever...that I'm not going to run to see if she's okay. I think that anything could make the situation worse. Maybe if I don't care anymore.... If only I was able to get quickly a roommate, then I could more comfortably "wish something" that under present circumstances seem less inhumane.

However, as so brilliantly illustrated by the character Sami Brady on Days, that kinda wishing would get one on a suspect list if anything unnatural happens.


Yes I still do care, but for someone that is so Big's hard to do but I have to not care. Yes I'd be in the same position again if something hapens like she chokes on something for gets in a bad enough car wreck, but why should I care?

I'm reaping what I have sowed, not only last weekend but on so many different things over the past several years, including using the skill that I perfected to frightening degree: in a phrase, "using others as chess pieces." For instance I do remember one year that my grandparents redid their backyard and I wanted a Trek Expo ticket so I just "wanted" to go see their backyard because they lived nearby and then when we got close I asked to stop by Starbase 21.

I always do that, I wait until we're going to the area, or already in the area, and ask to go somewhere that only I shop at.

Yes, that's part of the lack of trust thing too...last time Angel visited I told her about this close friend of mine that was murdered. My first ex and I knew her from the workshop. Anyway I wanted to show her bad where the workshop used to be (the hospital it was with moved somewhere else and I don't know where and if the workshop went with it) but she didn't want to go...but she wanted to go to the mall instead. I thought "Okay we'll go to 'the mall'..." because Promenade was near there. However at the time, the only reason why I thought it was a big mistake was because a downpour started right when we passed the first exit after getting on...

So anyway we get there and when she realized, she just batted my arm and said "Al!" and it didn't seem that big of a deal until this past week.

there's also a few other times I have done this "chess piece" thing but they were different than the obvious "wait until we have a reason to be in the area and then ask" or "go to X but to a different X than is thought in order to show Y or get to Y" but I forgot how they fit.
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