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slowly losing a lot of faith.....

I can't take it I just can't take it anymore!

I thought that Valentines Day wouldn't affect me so much and have resolved to myself that it would mean nothing to me anymore, that it meant much less to me than it had in the past...but now I can't take it!!! I just can't take it! Now that I'm replaced....

If I hadn't messed up then it I wouldn't have to be feeling so awful about Valentines.

I'm sorry guys for this entry....for it sounding like most of the entries in the past few weeks, like I'm....everything most of you guys have said while commenting on them: I think you guys said "amping" and being pity...but this is how I feel.

I would feel nothing for no one else. Even if someone else would come along and not put up with all the obstacles, would do all her might to try and bust through and then try to get to me b/c she sees what's really inside...I would turn that someone else away. Really I would.

There is no one else but her and yes I messed up big time and this whole thing is torture.

I don't mean for this to sound like I'm not moving on....I'm trying.....but it's so hard...and I wanna have faith about any possibility that I....

I just can't take this anymore...I'm not like him...isn't there any eyes that can see that?

Every day hurts so very bad....

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
loreeley
Feb. 10th, 2004 12:06 am (UTC)
Not to sound cold and mean, but we must all bear the consequences of our actions. Always. Good actions and bad actions equally. As for being single on V-day, a very large number of people are single and it never killed any of us. It build character, take it in your strife. Yes it's sad at times but...you had love and you abused it.
zannah
Feb. 10th, 2004 07:23 am (UTC)
Re:
I really have to agree with this statement. The best thing you can really do now is stop feeling sorry for yourself, own up to your actions and werk to make sure it never happens again, and move on with your life.

Valentine's Day has just been built into a commercial Hallmark holiday anyway. People should be showing their loved ones how much they love them 365 days of the year, not just 1.
skrain_bodak
Feb. 10th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)
Re:
"...werk to make sure it never happens again...."

Yes I have been doing that....I'm taking extreme measures but not too extreme.

I'm building a impenetrable wall around the part of my heart that is missing. No other woman will fill it. Also to quote one of my own sayings, "the inn is full." So therefore there would be no one else for me to possibly hurt.

If I let myself find someone else or let someone else find me...then I don't think that would be acceptible. In my heart they would be second best, but they wouldn't have to worry about that, there's no more room left in my heart for anyone else.
2dreamsilently
Feb. 10th, 2004 06:41 am (UTC)
Dear Friend,

Valentines Day is the day of celebrating couples. When you break up, V-day can be harsh on the feelings. I've had at least one friend break up and have to suffer through that day. Just remember, it's just one day. ONE DAY! Tomorrow you'll wake up and it won't be V-day anymore. Just focus on tomorrow. :)

As for everything else.. well, it's too much stuff to cram into one comment. Perhaps I'll write a post about it sometime. :)

Remember: Living in guilt gives, takes, and solves nothing.
2dreamsilently
Feb. 10th, 2004 07:52 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, here's my "letter" to you. I hope it helps...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/2dreamsilently/65042.html
cheetaheyes
Feb. 10th, 2004 01:38 pm (UTC)
"I would feel nothing for no one else. Even if someone else would come along and not put up with all the obstacles, would do all her might to try and bust through and then try to get to me b/c she sees what's really inside...I would turn that someone else away. Really I would."




I believe that.
sleepybluekitty
Feb. 11th, 2004 07:20 pm (UTC)
Valentines Day
Hey man, just focus on your Love for Christ Jesus on Valentines day. Do things that he would want you to do for people and treat people the way he would want you to treat them. Everytime it hurts, pray, that is the best thing for ya. Get out of the guilt and stop worrying about weither or not your Love for her was true love or not. Trust in God and he will give you the mate that is correct for you. You can get over these feelings, if you want to and if you rely and trust in God.

Much Hope and Many Blessings! =^_^=
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )