Well, last night out of the blue mom asks me some sorta question about if I've heard from Angel b/c she hasn't called or anything...and of course she doesn't understand or is too damned old to remember ever having such a bad breakup like I've had to where the other person doesn't want any sort of contact with the person....anyway I did sorta answer that in a way I do know that she's okay (but didn't explain that I still do read her LJ and that's how I know).
Later on though....when I was in my bedroom reading, she comes in and says "I'm going to go to bed, take care of the computer for me" so I go do it. Then I go back to reading on my bed and listening to music and the VERY NEXT MINUTE I feel a tapping on my shoulder and it was mom again! I mean I got irritated VERY QUICK and said "What?!?!" and she said "Don't take that tone with me" in that tone that she always uses with ME!! (believe me I'm getting tired of that especially with me always remembering that part of the Bible....isn't there a part of the Bible in that part about children obeying parents that turns around in the next verse or so and says "Parents respect your children"??) Anyway she always says stuff like that because she ALWAYS thinks she's in the right even when she's in the wrong! What's more, I think she must have been listening in at the door because I muttered "I hope I won't get interrupted again, stupid co-dependent " (which is really the word I said) and said the last part when I just laid back down on the bed and she STORMS back in and yells in my face "What did you just say??" and she just got in my face a little...I just shut up and let her have it b/c I didn't want to chance anything then.
So anyway I forgot when she wrote it...must have been early next morning, either before I got up or while I was in the shower, but she emails my Uncle Neil in PA who keeps in contact a lot with us, and says this....
"Yes, got last nights mess this am. reading of emails. I found out last night that Al is communicating with [Angel]. I think she wanted us to think that they had broke up. I have her home address if needed. Can you still help? Do you know of anyone that does background checks? I think she has some serious personal problems going on that Al is not seeing because a woman is acting interested in him, so it seems. Jan"
He did answer back that she would need for a check DOB and SSN and mother's name....HA! I did see a reply or I thought I did...she must have deleted it, where she did tell him that she has the address or that she did tell him the address but HA! Good luck on that unless somehow they get someone into DMV records or some sort of records to tell them SSN and mother's last name since I don't remember any typed letters or even email that she'd mention her mom's last name though I do know what it is. She could with some work find what her LJ is (which has her DOB on it) but that's all they are going to get unless they try to go somewhere where it would be hard to get everything else.
Anyway I was steamed since after she got off, I got on to check my mail but I checked hers...found out she unchecked the save sent messages option so while I was online I went to her webmail (b/c her regular inbox is set up to not delete off the server any email that's downloaded) and saw Unc Neil's reply about the SSN and the DOB, etc and that's how I know...so after I was through (mom in that sick saccharine voice asked if she could check the mail again or something like that) I went to get ready some more and I guess mom went straightaway to the mail preferences to check up and then she asked me if I knew about the checkbox and I said no.
I actually forgot what caused what happened next but she said something about something not being nice (no she didn't say it's not nice to lie or anything like that) so I then replied something like "it's not nice to say things behind people's backs either." So then I had paced a little in the hall, quickly weighing if I should...or if I shouldn't...and then I just decided that I should. So I went in and added to what I just had finished saying, reminding mom of the time that she picked me up late from work after all this mess started and she said she napped too much and I said "Yeah right like I could trust you" or something like that...and then I confessed that I was still trying to monitor her email to see if she was talking behind my back and stuff.
And then the whole thing REALLY blew up! I tried to keep myself from getting too emotional but I did yell in places and at one point I was shaking...I was saying how I didn't appreciate her going behind my back and behind Angel's back and asking about background checks and stuff like that and here she is, And then the whole thing REALLY blew up! I tried to keep myself from getting too emotional but I did yell in places and at one point I was shaking...I was saying how I didn't appreciate her going behind my back and behind Angel's back and asking about background checks and stuff like that and here she is, getting onto me for going through her email and for most of her retorts, essentially still comparing Angel to my ex-stepdad and that I couldn't be too careful. I told her that what I meant last night by my response is that I still do read her LJ and stuff to keep up and see if she's okay and that I did remind her that she did break up with me, trying to get to whatever reasonable side she might have and get her to see that she would want to move on and not really want to communicate with me and that besides, if she ever did want to it would be as friends and not as someone that would want to get back with me for anything devious. BUT NO!! She didn't want to listen!! We argued back and forth about this and then when we were both getting ready to go to our respective jobs that day, she brought up the co-dependency thing, still thinking that "everyone is codependent because everyone depends on everyone else" and not seeing that codependency is a bad disorder ....she said that I have ONE MONTH TO MOVE OUT because I told her in this argument that I wasn't going to kowtow and back down from her.
I told her EVERYTHING and EVERY REASON behind all the things that made my mom suspicious of Angel when she visited and when she called. How when during the last month of our relationship she's been trying to concentrate on her home business b/c she was expecting to lose her other job, how her kids (especially the one) were getting sick often, what she has to deal with about her ex husband, the reason why she sounded depressed on the phone (well DUHHH!! It's because she was lonely like I was/am and that a WAHM with 3 boys, two jobs, a crappy ex-husband, and a sick mom just can't pick up and drive 6 hours away whenever she y feels like it!! Of course she'd be depressed if she has a bf 6 hours away and can't see him often as she'd like and do things with!)...
She doesn't listen!! She takes anything I feed her about Angel and twists it to her own agenda which is usually the wrong agenda as in (Oh she's after money....oh she's trying to get back with him...playing with him....got to do a background check because "you can never be too careful")
So anyway back to the co-dependent thing...in the car, before I put my earplugs in and turned on my radio JUST TO SHUT HER UP, she was making a comment about how she doesn't know who was feeding me that bull about codependency and I shot back that it isn't bull because that tract that I had up as the start page for a while about codependency is a Christian tract by a Christian organization and that a Christian friend of mine pointed me to it when I was talking to him about this whole situation with my mom. I forgot what exactly she said but it was the way that she said it which made me feel like she was meaning "*snorts* Some Christian...must not be a REAL CHRISTIAN to believe that bull."
I am trying to move on...but my family is making it extra rough on me...I think some "disowning" is in question....but I think it's easier to disown relation with my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Neil than it is with mom...especially with her personality. Even if I calmly say that I don't consider her my mom anymore, she's just a roommate, she'd blow up majorly at me and be like "Well you can just move out then and get your own place and fine your own roommate b/c I refuse to be yours anymore!"
So here we go again....