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I sent this out to a few already......

I want to die....I want to die....I want to die.....

I can't take all the bad crap that happened to me recently....I especially can't take the gas prices. I can't survive when gas is going over $2 and the milk is going up much further than before. I know that of course I can choose not to use milk but what if the price of everything else goes up? I can't stand it.....

"Certain people," if you know whom I mean, are right. I can't support a family. There's no way. I had always thought that what I was able to do was enough...just pay half of the bills, buy some groceries, spend time with the kids and help with homework and stuff.... but that's not enough. A family would need a father that would be financially strong enough to do more than just that and have a car too. I don't have all that....

If I screwed up this badly...and I realize this one big dream isn't going to come true...and that I probably won't at least find someone that loves me as much as I love her and not screw up again....and stay with her for life....then why live? Why live?????? With the price of living going up and up, I would probably slowly starve to death anyway and I don't want to die slow.....I'd rather die quick by any measures necessary.

and also I know that quite a lot of people would just be so happy that I feel this way....that I am going to die. If only I had the courage to just blow myself away....

Al

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
star_tigress
May. 7th, 2004 07:55 am (UTC)
Oh Al. *hugs*

You aren't the only one in the same boat. On the Christian forums I frequent pretty often, they are talking about the same thing.

If you want to check it out, it is at How much are you paying for gas?

I constantly pray everyday to lift my burdens especially being an unemployed college student that had to pay $25 ($100 per month!!) per week for gas only. Now I'm paying about $20 even though the prices has been steadily increasing from $1.45 to $1.86 from last January to now.

In some ways He has done this to me so I'm able to breathe a little better. In some other ways, it's a little harder but if there's a means, there's a way. :)

{{{Hugs}}} I'll keep you in my prayers. Please don't give up your life just because there aren't a way for you at the moment. I'm pretty sure there's a purpose that you're going through for and there will be so much better reward in the end for you.

Don't give up sweetie. I'm right there with you.
skrain_bodak
May. 7th, 2004 06:47 pm (UTC)
do you have any instant messengers?

Add me...
star_tigress
May. 8th, 2004 06:44 am (UTC)
I don't think I have your AIM name. I just checked my comments and yours. Is it the same as your LJ name?
skrain_bodak
May. 8th, 2004 08:36 am (UTC)
Vaquero123

Yahoo: dragonmerc

MSN: steeldriver@hotmail.com (Molos)
_orangerind_
May. 7th, 2004 04:14 pm (UTC)
you aren't alone. i see everything going up in price, i see things change and i have no power to change them.
i'm sorry darling, i know the feeling too.
xbrokentommorow
May. 7th, 2004 06:00 pm (UTC)
sweetie don't give up on everything. Its alright to be scared cuz everythings just changing but theres always a way and when things hit bottom they can onlie get better. hang in there and you'll see that sumthings gona turn around for ya
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )