You Know You're Irish When....
The condensation on your pint of Guinness takes the shape of shamrocks
You don't believe there is a God, but you are damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope.
You believe that to forgive is divine, but you don't excercise it yourself.
You won't eat meat on Friday, but you'll drink a pint for breakfast.
You consider any Irishman who has become successful a traitor.
You have great respect for the truth, and you only use it in emergencies.
The further you get from Ireland, the more Irish you get.
You eat homefried taters for brakfast, potato bread for lunch, and potato stew for dinner.
You cry at sad movies, but you cheer in battle.
You will never play professional basketball.
You swear very well.
You think you sing very well.
There isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone.
You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking.
Much of your food is boiled.
You are, or know someone, named "Murph." If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy.
Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.
There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
You're proud to be Irish - and you pass these jokes on to all your Irish friends!
You Know You're Brazilian When....
You didn't know anything about bills until you came to the US.
You still wear speedos to the beach or pool!
You like Guarana better than Coke.
If someone tells you to be at a certain place at 1:00 pm, you don't show up until 2:30 or 3:00 p.m.
You know who Xuxa and Pele are.
Your entire family goes to grandma's house on Sundays for a big family get together....even when you guys see each other everyday.
You can name at least 30 novelas and 10000 actors/actresses.
BBQ means steak, sausage, chicken wings, pork, rice, farofa, molho and beer.
You are the loudest person in the room.
You got a Brazilian flag hanging from your car's rearview mirror.
You travel to Brazil and instead of taking a suitcase with all your stuff, you take presents for the entire family, the dog, the neighbor, not to mention the old/used clothes that you take just in case someone needs it.
You live in Florida, New York, New Jersey, or Massachusetts.
You leave your house spotless when you have people coming over.
An ideal woman is a woman with small breasts and a big butt.
You understand & speak Spanish, but when you say a word in Portuguese no one understands you.
You can dance.
Your jokes are always about Portuguese people.
You take soccer too seriously.
You go to a birthday party,and you can't leave until you take that piece of cake home.
You know what Capoeira is.
You know a lot about Samba and Pagode.
You`ve studied the history of almost every country.
You eat rice and beans at least 7 days a week.
Your breakfast consists of milk and coffee, bread with butter,and a piece of cake.
Everyone thinks you're everything but Brazilian.
You know who Os Trapalhoes, Turma da Monica, Zico, Caetano Veloso, Tom Jobim, Elis Regina, Ronaldinho, Jo Soares, Cazuza, Gilberto Gil, Silvio Santos, Roberto Carlos, Ayrton Senna, amd Carmem Miranda are.
You go to a bar and ask for salgadinhos with guarana.
You are so used to corruption that nothing surprises you anymore.
You know how to play dominoes and cards.
You dont care about raceor color. And once you come to the US, you realize what racism means.
You have a sense of fashion.
You wear slippers..a lot!
You know how to play volleyball and handball.
You always taking pictures everywhere you go.
You know what it's like to buy liquor without an ID.
You know how to party, and if the party isnt over after 5am...its not a party!
Any holiday...being it official or not, is an excuse to stay home from work and take a week vacation.
You know what feijoada and pave are.
Your favorite drink is Caipirinha.
You dress up to go to the supermarket.
You spend a entire day at the beach.
You are too friendly.
You're proud to be Brazilian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Brazilian friends!