From: Lucius Sicinius Drusus <email@example.com>
Subject: JOB APPLICATION
An E-Mail that I can't resist forwarding ;-)
NAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions.
I served in Vietnam (four months).
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law
enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a
fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the
event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an
discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the
attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the
U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning
vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in
Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in
Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier",
how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart
George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to
graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been
since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women and
running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to
military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's
ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am
it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal
legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes
significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he
catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never
pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth
of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places
Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost
in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the
jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I
oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil
of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).
PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a
Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the
Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame
for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
(Oh Lucius, you are so "hopped up" on yourself....: *whispers* everyone note his NR initials)