February 10th, 2004

Lancea Sanctum

slowly losing a lot of faith.....

I can't take it I just can't take it anymore!

I thought that Valentines Day wouldn't affect me so much and have resolved to myself that it would mean nothing to me anymore, that it meant much less to me than it had in the past...but now I can't take it!!! I just can't take it! Now that I'm replaced....

If I hadn't messed up then it I wouldn't have to be feeling so awful about Valentines.

I'm sorry guys for this entry....for it sounding like most of the entries in the past few weeks, like I'm....everything most of you guys have said while commenting on them: I think you guys said "amping" and being pity...but this is how I feel.

I would feel nothing for no one else. Even if someone else would come along and not put up with all the obstacles, would do all her might to try and bust through and then try to get to me b/c she sees what's really inside...I would turn that someone else away. Really I would.

There is no one else but her and yes I messed up big time and this whole thing is torture.

I don't mean for this to sound like I'm not moving on....I'm trying.....but it's so hard...and I wanna have faith about any possibility that I....

I just can't take this anymore...I'm not like him...isn't there any eyes that can see that?

Every day hurts so very bad....
Lancea Sanctum

To kimberz

My cpu memory maxed out again and when I was clicking away to open a window, I ended up clicking that button when the window did come up....

that's what I hate about this Dell....the CPU "tops out" and Messenger gets real bothersome to use.