May 7th, 2004

Chii

I sent this out to a few already......

I want to die....I want to die....I want to die.....

I can't take all the bad crap that happened to me recently....I especially can't take the gas prices. I can't survive when gas is going over $2 and the milk is going up much further than before. I know that of course I can choose not to use milk but what if the price of everything else goes up? I can't stand it.....

"Certain people," if you know whom I mean, are right. I can't support a family. There's no way. I had always thought that what I was able to do was enough...just pay half of the bills, buy some groceries, spend time with the kids and help with homework and stuff.... but that's not enough. A family would need a father that would be financially strong enough to do more than just that and have a car too. I don't have all that....

If I screwed up this badly...and I realize this one big dream isn't going to come true...and that I probably won't at least find someone that loves me as much as I love her and not screw up again....and stay with her for life....then why live? Why live?????? With the price of living going up and up, I would probably slowly starve to death anyway and I don't want to die slow.....I'd rather die quick by any measures necessary.

and also I know that quite a lot of people would just be so happy that I feel this way....that I am going to die. If only I had the courage to just blow myself away....

Al
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