September 7th, 2004

Lancea Sanctum

Conversion

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the
students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get
together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that
hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to
another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would each go
into the woods, find a bear, and preach to it.

A week later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has
various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, in a fine Irish brogue,
"I
went oot into th' woods to find me a bear. And when I fund him I began to
read to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Well, that bear wanted naught to
do with' me and begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grabbed me holy water
and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is
cooming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both
legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed,
"WELL,
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle...WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND
me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But
that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do
with me So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one
hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK
him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a
lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's
HOOOOLY word."

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying in a hospital bed He's in a
body cast and traction, with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
The rabbi looks up and says, " Oy ! " Preaching to the bear was easy,
but
he got a bit touchy about the circumcision."
Lancea Sanctum

otimus would love this one...heck he might even catch where it came from.....

*and to think I relate to the song every other day....and earlier this year it was more like every other hour!*

Komm, süsser Tod

I know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could
live for no one else
But now through all the hurt & pain
It's time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything

So with sadness in my heart
(I) feel the best thing I could do
is end it all
and leave forever

what's done is done it feels so bad
what once was happy now is sad
I'll never love again
my world is ending

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine
can't live without
the trust from those you love
I know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love & pride
because of that, it's kill'in me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down

In my heart of hearts
I know that I called never love again
I've lost everything
everything
everything that matters to me, matters
in this world

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine
can't live without
the trust from those you love
I know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love & pride
because of that, it's kill'in me inside

It all returns to nothing, it just keeps
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down
It all returns to nothing, it just keeps
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down
Lancea Sanctum

(no subject)



You Know You're Irish When....


The condensation on your pint of Guinness takes the shape of shamrocks

You don't believe there is a God, but you are damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope.

You believe that to forgive is divine, but you don't excercise it yourself.

You won't eat meat on Friday, but you'll drink a pint for breakfast.

You consider any Irishman who has become successful a traitor.

You have great respect for the truth, and you only use it in emergencies.

The further you get from Ireland, the more Irish you get.

You eat homefried taters for brakfast, potato bread for lunch, and potato stew for dinner.

You cry at sad movies, but you cheer in battle.

You will never play professional basketball.

You swear very well.

You think you sing very well.

There isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone.

You're strangely poetic after a few beers.

Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.

You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking.

Much of your food is boiled.

You are, or know someone, named "Murph." If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy.

Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.

There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.

You're proud to be Irish - and you pass these jokes on to all your Irish friends!





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You Know You're Brazilian When....


You didn't know anything about bills until you came to the US.

You still wear speedos to the beach or pool!

You like Guarana better than Coke.

If someone tells you to be at a certain place at 1:00 pm, you don't show up until 2:30 or 3:00 p.m.

You know who Xuxa and Pele are.

Your entire family goes to grandma's house on Sundays for a big family get together....even when you guys see each other everyday.

You can name at least 30 novelas and 10000 actors/actresses.

BBQ means steak, sausage, chicken wings, pork, rice, farofa, molho and beer.

You are the loudest person in the room.

You got a Brazilian flag hanging from your car's rearview mirror.

You travel to Brazil and instead of taking a suitcase with all your stuff, you take presents for the entire family, the dog, the neighbor, not to mention the old/used clothes that you take just in case someone needs it.

You live in Florida, New York, New Jersey, or Massachusetts.

You leave your house spotless when you have people coming over.

An ideal woman is a woman with small breasts and a big butt.

You understand & speak Spanish, but when you say a word in Portuguese no one understands you.

You can dance.

Your jokes are always about Portuguese people.

You take soccer too seriously.

You go to a birthday party,and you can't leave until you take that piece of cake home.

You know what Capoeira is.

You know a lot about Samba and Pagode.

You`ve studied the history of almost every country.

You eat rice and beans at least 7 days a week.

Your breakfast consists of milk and coffee, bread with butter,and a piece of cake.

Everyone thinks you're everything but Brazilian.

You know who Os Trapalhoes, Turma da Monica, Zico, Caetano Veloso, Tom Jobim, Elis Regina, Ronaldinho, Jo Soares, Cazuza, Gilberto Gil, Silvio Santos, Roberto Carlos, Ayrton Senna, amd Carmem Miranda are.

You go to a bar and ask for salgadinhos with guarana.

You are so used to corruption that nothing surprises you anymore.

You know how to play dominoes and cards.

You dont care about raceor color. And once you come to the US, you realize what racism means.

You have a sense of fashion.

You wear slippers..a lot!

You know how to play volleyball and handball.

You always taking pictures everywhere you go.

You know what it's like to buy liquor without an ID.

You know how to party, and if the party isnt over after 5am...its not a party!

Any holiday...being it official or not, is an excuse to stay home from work and take a week vacation.

You know what feijoada and pave are.

Your favorite drink is Caipirinha.

You dress up to go to the supermarket.

You spend a entire day at the beach.

You are too friendly.

You're proud to be Brazilian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Brazilian friends!





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