?

Log in

No account? Create an account

May 12th, 2007

This post is public evne though it goes under the "state of things" tag.

My cat is being taken away from me...I SUCK!!! I forgot about the water dish while concentrating on the litter box keeping it cleaned.

I SUCK!!! I SUCK AT KEEPING CARE OF LIVING THINGS!!!  I AM "KILLING MY SOUL" AS OF THIS MOMENT!! I SHALL HAVE NO INTERESTS, I AM A ZOMBIE NOW....HOW CAN I TAKE CARE OF OTHERS IF I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A PET???? I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK!!!!

If I can't take are of Baby then how can I take care of a child that I help form? My own remaining dream is worthless as well as all dreams that came before because all the other dreams that came true lead up to the one great dream, to "correct" my dad not being alive...to correct his accidental death 27 years ago.

My life is worthless but I know I can't suicide, I suck there too.  I just totally suck and am pathetic. This is the best way for me to "die."

Everything that I have kept until now I shall remain to keep as a "relic of the past"...my cards, my books, my manga, my anime....they are NOTHING now except as a reminder of the person that used to be so alive inside this empty shell.

This shell is empty now.

edit: I was shown to look at it this way, it's a learning lesson to learn my limitations and it's better to learn that I can't take care of a pet than if I had to learn the same lesson married with a biological child.

And one thing I forgot to mention, being upset, is the reason this decision was made by my aunt is that I let the water tank/dish run out while keeping an eye on the litter box. It looked totally dry like it had been empty for a bit.

This is my own undoing...maybe I wanted to give completely up.

I graduated Monday, had my birthday on Friday, and now this, happy damn birthday. It'll be safer for everyone if no woman will ever want me.