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What? You thought I abandoned the journal?

(the main part of the post after the preamble)

Again for a long time I let Sims Online get to me where for a while I only spot checked certain places on my friend list and not read the friend page often. I spent a lot of time building a house in one city and talking with a "roommate" in the other. Also been trying to deal with a few crises in which only two are worth remembering and half of those are quite familiar and has affected those on my FL in different ways.

That one crisis was also the main reason why I haven't even posted the other week at least. Those that know me would figure out what event I'm talking about especially since it's been all over the news and was linked to something that I've made the mistake of opening my big mouth about in the past so since it was quite big and tragic, aren't you glad I kept quiet about it and not gone into "hair trigger panic attack" mode?

I did but not on here. Especially since....yes I'm talking about Katrina and the gas prices....so yeah especially since they are coming back down and the panic attack was due to me thinking that the prices would NEVER come back down, and that I thought everyone would start starving to death because everything would be super high. So if I did make the mistake of opening my yap and starting panicking on here I would have looked like a super mean, insensitive, a**hole for nothing with egg on my face.

So aside from that...nothing more about Katrina and stuff related to it other than that I'm really sad about the true victims of such an horrific act of nature that still have lost far more than I have. I pray that they shall find comfort and true meaning to their lives and get their lives back together.

****************

Okay, to the meat of my post here....

I have a proposition to all...one where you all can help in any way you could afford to help. Some of you I know that would be more likely to help by what I gathered from conversations and comments, I know could help by either writing, posting, advising....even donating money and yes I'm going to set up a special paypal account for that. I'm seeking support from you all especially in seeking any support that I can that's physical including a set of wheels.

First the backdrop.


I'm not sure if I mentioned on here or not...I barely remember mentioning to a few of you about the changes at my job. To recap just in case: the manager that I had for years that from time to time, at least twice a year, has been rather crappy to me and changing her deal twice each year (half the year she'd expect me to stay until every single thing was done, the other half she'd make pretty sure I'd clock off close to the scheduled time, made sure that I'd shave so often that I'd shave the epidermis off my face, etc) had been transferred to another location and I got a manager that I and a lot of others liked.

More recently this manager quit because the soulless inhumans in the Ivory Tower (corporate office) wanted him to work more and do more and essentially expected him to make Mazzio's his entire life and spend less time with his family. They got in someone else who was ex-Army but a nice guy...nice to me, nice to the disabled, but yet he's an "Ivory Tower yes man."

Before he came, I have been making enough buckets of pizza sauce to ensure that there's six full buckets each day. Since he came I've been told to make enough for us to have EIGHT each day...and then later was told to make sure that we had TEN full buckets on Fridays!

Also he added onto me that I had to make sure that I clean the backsplashes to the sinks with Comet including the corner I can't reach....in the beginning I've been hoisting myself onto the countertop to get into that cornet and also to get the wall above it to get the food splash scrubbed too...but now I am getting away with getting someone taller to do the corner for me....

Anyway mom knows from me opening my big mouth to my aunt and uncle that I'm planning on moving to Portales, NM when she moves to Branson, MO but not the reason why which is because of Cheryl.

There's no point in me moving with her to Branson when there's NOTHING LEFT THERE for me to move to, forgive me but it would be the same old shit but different location now since Cheryl is now married. If I moved with mom to Branson, it would be just that. I would rather move somewhere where I can live closer to the way I'd like without being limited by a family that would try to essentially be an arm for my mom and a family that doesn't share my interests.

Let's share what I mean here....my sister and her family have their own problems that only one or two persons on here knows the entire story to. These problems not only tie them up financially but also keep my BIL from being alone with their kids and even then I might be saying too much.

It is because of that reason that I'm reluctant to stay here in this location when mom moves to Branson because if they are the ones to drive me around, then for the most part I'd only be able to go to work and home. If I get an apartment here, then it would have to be an apartment close to where I currently live since if not then I'd either not go to church at all or would be forced by circumstance to go to my sister's church which I would not in a million years go to regularly.

Also, a long time ago when I was just getting into playing Go and been trying to get to the weekly Tulsa Go Club meetings, my sister was taking me and told me that she'd only afford to take me every two weeks because of the gas prices. She'd take me up and then her and my niece and nephew would go their separate ways while I go and play but only until 8 PM...I can't stay until they left at 9 because the kids would have needed back home to go to bed.

Now that the Go Club changed to meeting downtown Tulsa to the OSU-Tulsa campus, not only is it "much further away to go" but also...the last time I tried to invite mom to come with, she said "Well, there's nothing for ME to do there..."

(Well DUHHHHHH you could learn something new and fascinating and even *gasp* try to get involved with something your son likes????? What a selfish....witch. I mean she spends MINUTES playing solitare on the computer, what's one more game? I guess Go is a bit HARD for someone that FORGETS THINGS SO EASY JUST BY "SLEEPING SINCE THEN.")

Anyway another apprehension I have with my sister and her husband is that since they have their own problems and their own schedules and things to do and places to be and also things to help nephew and niece out with for school, that back when my mom was employed and I used to take the bus that USED TO BE here, sometimes I'd miss the bus and when I couldn't get in touch with my friend Joe, I'd have to call sister and there were a few times when she didn't have time to take me straight home, that she'd "kidnap" me all day to her house and the things I had planned for that afternoon went out the window. Whenever I bring that up mom would tell me that I could have just told my sister that I really would have rather been taken straight home...but whatever. And those times that I've been "kidnapped" were when they (sis and her family) were living in my grandparents' rental house and not in the neighbhorhood closeby.

So now my gripe about them is that if they are my transportation then I'd be limited timewise by them or limited by what there is for them to do. Like I'm afraid that for instance that they'd take me up to Asylum game shop to play Magic the Gathering or Battletech and dropped off and told "We'll be back at this time to pick you up because we need to be back home because..." blah blah blah.

Then we have my aunt and uncle that can't seem to keep anyone's confidence. They have their own lives too especially with trying to look after my cousin who is I think currently a sophomore in high school or a junior.... She has ADD. I assume they have their own lives too and would be the same way with me as pertaining to time and interests and things. They wouldn't give a crap about staying with me just to spend time with me and/or learning something new. They'd just either say no because there'd be nothing for them to do because nothing interests them there or just leave me there and be back to pick me up and I'd not be able to stay there for the whole time because of them.


Also, I'm not sure if I've mentioned on here or not over the summer but I have been made to straighten my room as some sort of deal and I went ahead and ditched a bunch of mags that were old but did try to keep a few unread ones that I'm trying to catch up on. This is to appease mom and to keep my room "more presentable" and not look like Hurricane Katrina hit it (I know that's BAAAAAAD) and one of the things that started to alarm me is that she'd started in on saying that the number of books I'm keeping is too much and that even after I picked out books to give back to the used bookstore, that I'm still keeping quite a lot.

So more recently than that, on one of our trips to the bookstore, she made the comment that since she thinks that I still have "too many" books, that if I get any more, that I would have to purge another book for each book that I buy. She's even balking at what I'm keeping because 1) I'm keeping all my Battletech novels mainly for date referrence for when I play my games and write my stories and 2) I'm keeping quite a lot of my classics because, well, they are CLASSICS...but yet she's almost wanting me to purge those.

So since then, I slowly formed the basis of a great idea. I would have somewhat of a problem with this idea where the Battletech sourcebooks are concerned...unless Fanpro decides that they'd soon release a PDF version of FedCom Civil War, Fall of Terra, the Chaos March book, etc....but I've already put this great idea through the test.

I emailed the owner of the used bookstore and explained myself and then asked that if I special ordered a book then would it be possible for her to email me instead of calling my number and therefore risking my mom intercepting the call and then be like "Okay you're going to have to purge a book." She answered back and said it could be done but since she has so much traffic that it would be easier for me to just come in sometime after the following Friday. As long as I come in and pay in advance for the order when I make it.

So now I can special order my manga and other books there, pay immediately and then get out of the house by myself to get up to the store before it closes and pick it up and if possible, zip it up in my CD player carrier and if not, go across the street, hide the purchase, go in Albertson's and buy something like a magazine for "cover."

All I have to do is not let these new purchases be seen that often to where mom would hardly notice them and then when enough time has passed, hopefully she'd assume that they'd always have been part of my library before her "if you buy more, you'd have to purge" proclaimation.

Finally, When school started, one of my classes that I'm taking is called Marketing Research. I had a bit of misadventure that sort of couldn't have been helped since I needed at campus early enough to pay things anyway...but eventually I learned that my instructor for that class was one I had before, his name is Dr Pan...a Chinese guy with a heavy accent. Cool guy. I thought "This class is going to be fun and also it's just going to be just reading, a few tests on Blackboard, and then a group project that just involves getting together, thinking of what to do it on, assemble the data, write and present...just like usual."

Wrong!!!!!!

For one week until that damned hurricane hit (and still then while the gas prices were skyrocketing) I was in panic attack mode over the class because the syllabus and Dr Pan were saying something that I had felt that I needed clarification from him several hundred times about. The group project for the class involved each group in the class to go down to Edmond, OK to UCO to participate in OK Market Research Day or whatever it was called. Dr Pan claims it's optional and that he'd like all groups to go but the downside is that the students would have to request off their works to go to that thing.

....otherwise any groups/individuals that don't go would receive HALF GRADE for the project.

I'm not sure how many other groups in the class are going to pull what mine is but I was panicking about the Market Day thing....while I got in a group where the other three people decided they aren't going to ask off their jobs for one day to go down their either.

So since they aren't going, I guess I'm not either but still it's HALF A GRADE on that project.

Anyway that same week, things were happening at work that were about to get to me too...and on Friday (the last day to cancel classes with a full refund) I told a coworker that "...between work, home, and my Tuesday night class, if I get any more crap added to me here, I'm going to have mom take me to campus for me to cancel both my classes and spend the entire fall semester moving to Portales, NM and transferring to ENMU."

That day was when, in the middle of being hammered by the lunch crowd and there being 2-3 sinks full of dishes, pans, etc needed cleaning and it's late afternoon, Shana asked me how many buckets of sauce I made. I told her and she told me that from then on that I need to make sure that there were TEN full buckets on Fridays. So I said outloud to Robert who was near us that I guess I go and cancel my classes and he must have told Shana because she was like "How would you get there, who's going to help you?" and remarked that my mom wouldn't even let that happen.

Well when I was telling mom about the day later, Shana was right, and I forgot what else happened after work but there was some disagreement but the fact remained that mom made a bunch of arguments against me moving to Portales.

Of course this is all a few weeks after that day and what happened, so I forgot most of what she exactly said but here's the essense: (she doesn't even know or at least even care, about how small Portales is or how close of a friendship I have with misfortunedfool and her husband)

Her issues are that I shouldn't move so far away from family, that she's afraid and concerned that if I do then I'd get into a situation where I'd be taken advantage of or I'd run into some sort of trouble and that there'd be no one there to help me out. And of course she had the questions "How am I going to get there, how would I get a job, etc etc" (DUHHH why not YOU???? If not then someone else? And besides if someone relocates in that type of distance, then what employer WOULD hire someone that doesn't live in that area YET??? They'd prefer to hire someone that CURRENTLY LIVES IN THE AREA right? It would be easier to move there first, pay at least 2 months rent and go job hunting.)

She also gave her philosophy as an excuse...something to the effect that no one should abandon their family or turn their back on family. That family should stick together. I mentioned my dad and how his family was/is in Pennsylvania but yet he went to Spartan Aeronautics School "down here" and she said that that was different since he had been in the Navy and I think she mentioned he was offered to take classes at Spartan and that it was the only school of its kind that had the classes he had been offered and that he just happened to meet my mom while going to Spartan.

Then I asked what about her...? Because she had to leave her family to move "up north" with him. Again she said THAT was different because she married him. So one was excuseable because the schooling was the only one in the nation and the other was because of ties of marriage according to her...and that otherwise, moving away from family "couldn't be done because family should stick together."

But yet she doesn't seem to listen to me....that the reason why I'd want to move so far away is that Portales IS small enough for me and is somewhere where I wouldn't have to worry about needing to get someplace I would need at any given time since I don't have a car. I wouldn't have to worry about stuff like the bus service being a joke because the County Seat's bus service took over and made it even more of a joke than it used to be when it was by itself (by keeping it circular and shrinking it as a means of "improving" the route)...I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that the bus service also doesn't operate on the weekends....I also wouldn't have to worry about finding someone or finding a friend that is going in the same direction I would need to go so I wouldn't be asking that someone to go out of his or her own way to get me someplace....

And I wouldn't have to worry about family that wouldn't understand at all about my interests and be "nose up in the air" about a few of them and limit my time and exposure to them just because they "aren't interested" enough to share. I mean isn't it enough to just get at least marginally involved so they could understand what is going on in a relative's mind? To see why that relative enjoys doing that thing or playing it?

My train of thought is....some families...like those that have kids that are involved with school/youth sports...they get involved in many levels from buying the uniforms and stuff and taking the kids to games, to even getting hard core enough to be part of the system and be coaches and refs and stuff....that's what I'm getting at.

If my mom is impressed at times whenever I become what she considers to be "more normal" or "more like an adult" when I say something that she sees as profound like when I explain or talk about history sometimes...if my sister and her husband play the X-box as often as they do....then what's the problem with them taking me to Go Club meetings no matter where they are being held, and coming with me and playing a few with Chester, Jim and the others? I can help teach them and won't be critisized for "confusing fantasy with reality."

Same thing with Battletech, if any of them could just play with me or take me and join me going to a game shop and playing along with someone, they could see that it's more than whatever it appears to them...that there's a lot of math involved and they have had a lot of years to realise that I'm strong in math.



So there you all have it...I'm adding this sentence or two in here to add that since thinking the core of this post up during the last week or so, I have had another idea other than finding help to either persuade my mom that "nothing bad is going to happen to me in Portales, a place where the only person I know is someone that I only know on the internet..." or to drive here and help me move despite whatever my mom thinks or tries to do to stop me from doing so....

I've thought that if any of you would like to help in any way, that I would like the help to either be to try and help me to move to Portales, NM in any way you could afford to help me...or try and help ........my new gf Sherri elymsherri to move up here to the Tulsa area. That way, even though she'd have to move away from her family, most everyone would "be happy." I'd be happy in not moving with mom when she moves to Branson, my mom would be happy since I'd be on my own but not so far away from family, Sherri would be happy b/c she'd be living in the same area I am and would be able to see me in person and do things with me in person instead of just talking to me on the internet and telephone. And again I'd be happy but also because I'd have someone that would be more than happy to take me where I want to go and not be too excessively busy to do so and also would even STAY even if it is just to be with me and not because of whatever else.

I'm deciding to end my thoughts there and proceed with the proposition. I know I can't do all this sneaking around forever. Also I know that my endurance can't keep up for long when I have gone thorough cleaning my room thinking that there was only going to be ONE PURGE and not expect mom to up and decide randomly later about that "if you buy more you're going to have to purge more" crap. Yeah I thought that it was understood that what I didn't purge was going to stay, etc. Especially since there's more I need to learn about playing Go and I only have the books on joseki and Life and Death plays.

I am about to do whatever I can do so I can't be limited anymore.

I am asking any and all of you to help me...I am even setting this journal back to accepting anonymous and nonfriend posting as well (though those would be screened) to accept help outside of LJ.

I am starting a group called the Keller Maquis Cell (named after the WWII French Resistance group and the resistance group in Star Trek Deep Space Nine) to resist the ignorance and oppresion of people like my mom. Resist people like my mom that with or without a "well meaning" really do oppress people like me whether they deny or not that they are doing so.

There are a few people that, by default, are already at least deputized into the higher chain of command of the KMC....(mostly using the rank system of the defunct KRML)

Yours truly, skrain_bodak, Ultra Warlord

misfortunedfool, Mega Warlord and Warlord of Portales

Janice Flippo (owner of used bookstore down the street), Main Conductor of the Underground Literary Railroad.

Like I might have said a while back I'm also planning on setting up a paypal account to be posted about soon for people to send donations to be used for just about anything to make the eventual split from mom easier.

The first thing on the agenda for such a paypal system is to get enough money to go and purchase one of those external Hard Drives that plug into the USB port so I can use that until I can save up for a laptop...I can put my Juno on the external HD as well as my chat programs, Firefox, and programs that only I use like Sims Online.

Others on the agenda would be to save up for plane tickets to either visit Sherri elymsherri or to have her visit me in order to gauge if things with her would work out and to gauge family reaction to her which better be good or else!

Also the paypal account could be used to save up for the move...gas money to get there and any other expenses.

Here's a poll....I tried to reset the journal to screen both non-friends and anonymous but there wasn't any option to do both so I decided to set it to screen all comments. Hope that's okay.

Poll #571534 The beginning of the Keller Maquis Cell

Who's willing to help me, and with what? I mean, how to help me?