Uncle Randy called me at work the other day, he asked me if I wanted to be pallbearer, I said yes.
not much time left but I have to say this.....
The funeral home holding the body and doing the small service...for those in the know from last year with all the dark stuff that went on...
It is the same funeral home that held the bodies of Tina Lashon Pennington and her mom and sister
It went over better than I thought...but I had an epiphany. I'll explain...and yes I'm leaving this post public, NOT IN HUSH HUSH FILTER.
The other week my mom and I had another argument...it was over something a bit more minor than the regular arguments and of course I went out for a while. Later on that night after everything had calmed down, Mom, out of the blue!!...asked me how my ex-gf Sheila had been and if I had heard anything of her and stuff and if she is married. She even hit a bit close to home by asking if she had married a hispanic guy.
I denied it to her face of course...back then I would never tell her my Secret Shame for the world...that my ex left me for someone of a culture that is notoriously more romantic and all of that and for someone more capable than I am of supporting her and someone that did so much to treat her right.
Now with everything that is coming about, with the same funeral home doing my grandpa that did Tina...I decided that since because my mom, having a certain quirk that she has (because of her generation), having kept me from Tina's funeral just because she thought I wouldn't have been welcome because I am white and that black funerals are different from white ones...and I didn't put my foot down then and I was a bit angry when I heard that my old CMC workshop coworkers went...
I decided to take a favorite saying that Sheila used to say and run with it to a certain extreme...
"Leave the past in the past"
I decided that while I do my pallbearer duties, that privately in my mind I'll be doing Tina's funeral 11 years out of phase as well...burying her... and my past as well.
Most of my past from then on from 6 June 1994 to that second I will ignore as if it NEVER EXISTED.
When my grandfather died, he was sleeping, his last words to my uncle were, "Night night."
At the funeral, I'll be like I'm saying to my past, and rebooting my life, and saying to my exes...Nhu Tuong Ly, Angela Diane Bradshaw, and the former Sheila Anne Folkner Rauch (incorporating her maiden name with first husband's name)...."Night Night."
But rest assured and noted, certain things like the KRML must and will be remembered and if I do ever get married and possibly have kids I will still pray hard for girls instead of sons. If I do have a son I still will pledge with my hand on the Bible that my soul will not rest until I am certain that the evil that would have been the KRML would never happen. I would still become the Wisend Sage.
edit: I forgot to say that I'm planning on telling my mom the truth.