Skrain Bodak (skrain_bodak) wrote,
Skrain Bodak

what's with me? LOL

I never ever post this infrequently and until the last 6 months, I never let things get this out of hand on here.  I used to post more on here.

Like I said last time...had to work MLK Day, grrrr...; Danny got wind of me saying how I was trying to find someone to work that day for me and asked me why and I told him of the last time which was right before the "non existant breakup of the relationship that never happened" other words the MLK Day of '04...when I went home with a headache that was the closest I ever come to having a migraine.

more under the cuts so if you click one and try reading it all and decide that it's too long for you, just click what fascinates you.

I think it was because I did such a poor job of thinking of who to get to work in my stead, and/or me not asking Danny enough in advance...but of course he refused having me off on that day.  I then asked him (I used the wrong words though...not THOSE wrong words but I worded the question wrong) who I could ask if I wanted a day off in the future and he said that he didn't really know either (earlier in the month I asked one of the other managers and he didn't know).

So on the one hand, I'm despairing that I would never get to visit Sherri, EVER, as long as I'm working for Mazzio's and specifically for Danny the "Smiling Hitler."  He's nice and friendly especially to me, yes, but I have life experience that says that all that could be F-A-K-E FAAAAAAKE!!!!

(which goes to show you what kind of corporate KISS ASS he is since otherwise what kinda guy that hails from TX is he if he does a policy like what he did and it keeps me from visiting my gf....IN TEXAS...??  I heard Texans support other Texans and, to me, potential FUTURE Texans so what kind of TEXAN is he??? [a piss poor FASCIST one?])

Mazzio's corporate heads and the Ivory Tower they live in deserve more Superfingers than I have hands for.

Anyway part of me still cares about finishing my college...and therefore can't just pick up and go or endanger my job for even a plane trip to visit.  Another part of me is listless and neutral, because I talked to mom about all this....

Let me explain....

Remember the entry about the nasty argument I had with mom when she saw me tweaking my Magic deck at Trinity Lutheran before Midweek class and had me put them away so I just did so and went out and she caught me in the narthex doing it?  I think I also mentioned some details of the argument and one of them was when she was wanting to move me out and I was like "Okay let's move me to Austin then"?

Well since then...and forgive me if I don't have any even indirect quotes because, like I said, I've been quite lax in the past half year in posting...she has been a bit more supporting in moving out of state!

Yes you read correctly, she got more supporting!

In one conversation about it she was asking how come I changed my mind and decided on Austin, TX when I used to want to move to Portales, NM and so I glossed over a conversation I had with _bp_rose and the only thing that I remembered without running over to bring up the archives was that I was saying how I thought it would have been a good idea for me to convince Sherri to "move up here" so she could be near me while I move out on my own and still be "close to family" and therefore be close to my family like mom would have liked and so in that way I could have "made everyone happy" and the reaction was that was a pitiful way to think because I would have been inconvieniencing (sp) Sherri to make "everyone else happy" and that Biblically, a man should leave his parents to live with a wife.

I could have remembered wrong but essentially the advice was that it would look better if I made the effort to move down to be closer to her rather than not look like a man and have her move up here just so I can remain close to family just because A) I want to make "everyone" (more like my mom) happy and B) the family would be close by in case I "get into trouble" whether it's financial or get taken advantage of or whatever.

I tend to see all sides of the argument side, mom's side, Rose's advice...I always use the Prodigal Son for my argument, the only way that parable has anything to do with my point is that, yes he was hasty and wanted his inheritance right then and moved away from his father and wasted it all carelessly (and also the point of the parable was that we all want our "stuff" here and now and run away from God)...but from another angle, the parable also says that life is about RISK...

Yes my mom made several wrong choices...most of them after my sister and I were born, especially getting involved with a few men after moving down here...and then getting with and marrying Charlie and all the crap (most I never post on here) including the mental/verbal abuse...but it was wrong to keep me back just because she's afraid of me getting taken advantage of in that way.

Yes we all have to be careful "out there" but yet we shouldn't be like Capt Picard in that one episode of "Star Trek The Next Generation" where Q appears and shows him what could have happened if he had been "more careful" and didn't get in a fight with that one aggressive alien.  Guess what happened?  In the other timeline when Capt Picard DIDN'T get hurt and needed his heart replaced, he was a big ol' WUSS that played it safe and never rose about Lieutenant.

I want to do what makes me happy...yes one should serve God, but only the most special of people desire only that for their happiness.  I have made mistakes...but I still want to share my life with someone that I care and feel for so deeply.  Which makes me glad that mom is starting to be more supportive because that was one of the reasons why the Keller Maquis Cell was created, to resist these things...I mean resist people like mom who, for instance, wants to keep others down "just to be safe" and to protect from "bad stuff that could happen."

It's like this one character in Harry Turtledove's Timeline 191 storyline.  She's a 40ish-50ish widow  that ran a coffeeshop in DC during the Great War with her young adult daughter and DC is of course so close to the border with the Confederacy that the TL-191 USA has two capitals: DC which they haven't used for a while since it keeps getting bombarded, and Philiadephia. (if I remember correct, in OUR Civil War, Maryland was Confederate??)

Anyway the served a lot of Rebs during WWI when they invaded up through DC (that version of the war was like.... USA/Germany/Austria-Hungary I think and then it was CSA/France/UK/Russia) and the widow's daughter of course wanted to fall in love and have a life of her own and you can just imagine the way things where back then...the woman's "job" was to stay home and take care of home and have kids so "heaven forbid" that they'd live on their own back then unless they're widowed or something.  The widow had some rather crappy philosophies about the opposite gender especially stemming from her past as a prostitute that she tried to keep secret but it came out and the daughter found out and used that afterward as a weapon to torment her mom.

The mom of course tries to control her it seems like the same way that I think I am... The widow Semphrock in the novels was/is of the opinion that "good men" are extremely rare, like there's 0.5 good men for every "kazillion-million-trillion-septillion" of them. and that even if the man is "good" they don't always have the best of intentions b/c in her opinion all they ever want to do is get in a woman's pants, especially before marriage.  The subject of sex has equal standing to her too...

To best explain... a few passages (from American Empire: Blood and Iron...first novel of second trilogy of story) a few years after the widow remarries to the shopkeeper across the street and has a second daughter in her old age....(this is the '20s, '30s)

Edna didn't answer that, which was probably just as well.  Nellie had done everything but shove her daughter into a chastity belt to keep her from meeting and seeing anybody.  Nellie had been sure -- was still sure -- she done the right thing, but Edna finally managed to get around her.  Now she had to make the best of it.

(about Edna's new beau)...

Nellie was inclined to doubt [that he was nice] on general principles -- hardly any young men in her estimation were very nice -- and on specifics -- had this Merle Grimes been very nice, he wouldn't have yanked Edna's drawers down until after they were married, and not too often then, either.

(and then a page or two little sentense)

Even better than three years of marriage to Hal Jacobs hadn't come close to making Nellie understand why a woman would marry for the sake of bedroom pleasures; for her, bedroom pleasures were at best rare accidents that caused as much embarrasment as release.

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