However I have come to some decision to deal with that...relating to the ineffective retconning of certain events of the 11 years of my life since Tina's murder.
Short of excessive blunt trauma to the head and risking amnesia that covers more than just the six months between "meeting" my 3rd ex-gf and the messy breakup we had and even what happened the half year afterward....I need many things to not only forget the past but also leave it far behind.
I may not be able to forget what I did before I did "the thing" to accellerate the breakup my 3rd ex was gonna give me anyway....but I would be able to leave it far behind and I may not be able to really change my mind on giving up on romance anyway....
...unless I find someone that's either closer to my age or comfortable with (and socieity is comfortable with) dating me...like someone low to mid 20s....who is also "inexperienced." Otherwise NO CHANCE....
I have regressed....in a way...terribly.
Anyway I have a proposition to the fellow RP freaks on my list.
I may have long ago thrown away the dream of setting the ball rolling for my evil dreams of genocidal vengeance no matter what the future brings....but I still have the materials for this Battletech campaign for a unit that at this time, took the unit my very first character was in under the wing because it got shattered beyond believe....it had been my plan during the long...whatever it was...for that unit to rebuild and get bigger throught the years and eventually the ruling line of the KRML dies out....that character becomes the only individual to take command of the faction....until he gets captured by the Smoke Jaguar Clan....and in turn since he also shares Tseng blood, becomes a target of a challenge by the only Crusader Galaxy of the Ghost Bear Clan....
So what I think is that I would want to make a "jump ahead" campaign since this one campaign I started years ago has been indefinately stalled because of a cousin I rarely see anymore and when I do see her, it's only for a too brief time and a now 12 year old nephew that, when he comes over, it's either Cartoon Network, the very rare game of Magic or even now, Vs System, or wanting to get on our computer to play Roller Coaster Tycoon or pull up one of those free game websites popular with him and his friends (the Crazy Monkey Games, etc)...and other than that, there's issues between mom and sis that keep him from being over for that long anyway and sis now has a thing about keeping her kids unsupervised around me and my mom even though we haven't done anything wrong and of course when she feels like she wants to go... (sigh)
Anyway sorry I took so long and have my thoughts jumbled.
I am offering to anyone interested openings in an RPG...a "jump ahead" campaign...but then again not exactly since the unit won't be Selena's Slammers of the KRML....it would be only related to it by way of Tina's Thunderbirds of the KRML that grew to regimental strength by the time the Thunderbird leader, Alberto Quintanilla, got captured while being part of a reinforcement attachment to Wolf's Dragoons, during the battle of Luthien....by the Smoke Jaguars...and then discovered to have been related matrilineally to the founder of the Osis bloodheritage...then later won in a Trial of Possession by the Black Omega Galaxy of Clan Ghost Bear because he also had connection to the Tseng bloodheritage too.
The RPG would take place ten years later than that, during the beginnings of the Echoes of Amaris storyline and would be semi-canonical to my story since I haven't written much of it yet.
All I want is to delete and "kill" the part of my personality that Alberto Quintanilla is a part of. I need to kill him in combat but yet play him out through the years as well. I want to jump ahead to killing him. So that there is less connection to my 3rd ex-gf...so I can remember her less and less and less and that *ahem* "Anything" that happened with her....would truly be forgotten...as if it really didn't happen.
and then *ahem* how can I lose "something" if I don't remember "doing the thing" in which I gave that "something" away?