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This post is public evne though it goes under the "state of things" tag.

My cat is being taken away from me...I SUCK!!! I forgot about the water dish while concentrating on the litter box keeping it cleaned.

I SUCK!!! I SUCK AT KEEPING CARE OF LIVING THINGS!!!  I AM "KILLING MY SOUL" AS OF THIS MOMENT!! I SHALL HAVE NO INTERESTS, I AM A ZOMBIE NOW....HOW CAN I TAKE CARE OF OTHERS IF I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A PET???? I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK!!!!

If I can't take are of Baby then how can I take care of a child that I help form? My own remaining dream is worthless as well as all dreams that came before because all the other dreams that came true lead up to the one great dream, to "correct" my dad not being alive...to correct his accidental death 27 years ago.

My life is worthless but I know I can't suicide, I suck there too.  I just totally suck and am pathetic. This is the best way for me to "die."

Everything that I have kept until now I shall remain to keep as a "relic of the past"...my cards, my books, my manga, my anime....they are NOTHING now except as a reminder of the person that used to be so alive inside this empty shell.

This shell is empty now.

edit: I was shown to look at it this way, it's a learning lesson to learn my limitations and it's better to learn that I can't take care of a pet than if I had to learn the same lesson married with a biological child.

And one thing I forgot to mention, being upset, is the reason this decision was made by my aunt is that I let the water tank/dish run out while keeping an eye on the litter box. It looked totally dry like it had been empty for a bit.

This is my own undoing...maybe I wanted to give completely up.

I graduated Monday, had my birthday on Friday, and now this, happy damn birthday. It'll be safer for everyone if no woman will ever want me.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
hearmemeep
May. 13th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
All you can do is just learn from your mistakes. Beating up on yourself isn't going to help with anything. If anything else, it just makes it worse.

You also need to stop having the attitude that whenever something goes wrong, "No woman will/should ever want me!". Trust me - that type of attitude will be obvious offline when you interact with the opposite gender and it's not exactly a turn on. Women like guys with confidence. You have to believe in yourself first.

As far as kids are concerned, a kid is a little more obvious about its needs. It's not every day that you have a cat come up to you and let you know that it needs it's water changed. I happen to have one that does that, which has helped in me getting adjusted to living with a needy being. Kids, of course, will scream and cry when something's not right. Thus parents typically are scrambling about trying to figure out what's wrong. "Are you hungry? Do you need a diaper changed? WHAT?!?!" so there's no accidentally forgetting with a kid.

Then again, what do I know? I'm not all that keen on kids and never plan on having one if I can help it.
skrain_bodak
May. 13th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC)
aww well you should....you seem like someone that would be perfect because you'd be a fun mom to someone.
hearmemeep
May. 13th, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
I don't really like kids. I'm more of a cat person, really :)
skrain_bodak
May. 13th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
oh so you're childfree huh? Used to be that.
hearmemeep
May. 13th, 2007 10:10 pm (UTC)
So I noticed by a link you have up. I find life more content with just myself, the hubby, and a few cats. Kids just wouldn't fit our lifestyle or my sanity for that matter.
kolizeon
May. 14th, 2007 01:10 pm (UTC)
-hug-
Eh, listen, Kids are a lot easier than pets, plus it wouldn't be just you taking care of a kid.
I'm really sorry about your cat.
You could claim she drinks out of the sink. My cat has learned to turn the water on to get a drink, and more amazingly, turn it back off. Cats are very resourceful.
(Anonymous)
May. 17th, 2007 03:58 am (UTC)
Attitude is everything!
Why do you have such a poor attitude about things that are going wrong in your life? The only way to improve on things is to learn by your mistakes, accept what you have learned, improve what you can, and then MOVE on! You seem so negative...
Sherry
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )