GEORGE W. BUSH We don't really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the
road or not. The chicken is either with us
or it is against us. There is no middle
AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented
the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing
the road represented the application of
these two different functions of government
in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.
COLIN POWELL Now at the left of the screen,
you clearly see the satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.
HANZ BLIX We have reason to believe there is
a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed
access to the other side of the road.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador) The
chicken did not cross the road. This is a
complete fabrication. We don't even have
SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act
of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the
original side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrialist greed. The
chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat
on the other side of the road because it
was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling
PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent,
RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken
crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting
a government grant to cross the road, and I'll
bet someone out there is already forming a
support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe
this? How much more of this can real Americans
take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by
their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars,
I'm talking about your money, money the
government took from you to build roads for
chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART No one called to warn me which
way that chicken was going. I had a standing
order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No
little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay!
Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken
was going to the "other side." That's what
they call it -- the other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you
eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort
out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The
chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed,
I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world
where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called
GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the
chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In
a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the
heartwarming story of how it experienced
a serious case of molting and went on to
accomplish its life-long dream of crossing
JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens
crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens
to cross the road.
KARL MARX It was a historical
VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the
chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken
has gone before.
FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with
your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all
concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES I have just released eChicken
2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your checkbook -- and Internet
Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross
the road or did the road move beneath the
BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with
THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?
COLONEL SANDERS I missed one?