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Now I'm concerned...

The last time I heard from Angel was yesterday morning....she was visiting some friends in Louisiana and said she was going to church down there before she headed back. -EDIT- I don't want anyone to think from reading what I typed below the quot that I'm only worried about how this concerns me or what the people close to me and connected to me IRL think of my relationship. I am also quite scared for Angel...I'm scared also that she might be dead like in an accident or something....

I love you too. I will miss you too. I think I am just about ready. Got ready faster than I thought I would. All I need to do is load up and since you can't talk this morning at all, I think I will just load up and head on out. Will stop by and see mom for a bit first and then get gas put in the car. Then I think I will stop somewhere and get the kids some lunch and let them eat on the way.
Well, I better do something anyway. Jonathan keeps taking his socks and shoes off. He hates wearing them. Lol.
I'll miss you very, very much. Behave yourself and I will call when I return.

Does this mean what I think it means and she meant that she was heading back yesterday? How freaking long would it take to get to Nashville, AR from even the most northwestern part of Louisiana???? I'm very worried and scared...I haven't received ANY email from her or even a call...I called and got voice mail...

*cries* Am I being dumped? what did I do wrong? what????? Was I used?????? There are still some certain people that don't believe what I have is real and don't believe that it would last for very long, especially outside of the net...they think that the relationship wouldn't even make it to the first meeting.

And one of them is my mom! I tried to call Angel last night and when she was back here and saw the card she said something about "...were you trying to call your 'so called girlfriend'?"

I really need to get Angel and my mom together either voice conversation or through MSN so they can talk...that is if I'm not being used and/or dumped.

I don't wanna be a failure....unloved...unwanted...trash...pathetic...I am pathetic...I am Freddy and Jason.... *tear*


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 1st, 2003 04:40 pm (UTC)
There is usually a good explanation for these things... it might be best not to let your imagination get the better of you until you hear from her again ;)
Sep. 1st, 2003 05:26 pm (UTC)
thanks! :))
Yeah there is...hopefully a good one...

I'll wait until I hear she's okay and then if my mom makes any more comments like that I'll paraphrase Morpheus' line from the first Matrix...

"What is a friend? If a friend is what you see, smell, touch, hug, etc. then a friend is nothing more than electrical impulses relayed to your brain"!! haha

now....worst case scenario...she dies...then probably I will too since I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of being in a place where most everyone appears to have someone and by the time I notice that person X isn't with person Y anymore...X would have already moved on with person Z. I'm sick of going to a church where the population makeup drastically changed since I've joined the congregation to where there's only one single guy and one single girl (who has recently gotten engaged) within 5 years of my age and everyone else is either married, an old fart or both...and don't forget the megatons of little tykes too...

(every time someone joins the congregation, it's either a married couple or a family with pre-teen kids and extremely rarely a family with teen kids...but that doesn't matter because teen, preteen...they are both too young for me)

and finally, I'm sick of being stuck up with past prejudices and past antipathy to change... I mean my mom is a total hypocrite!!! Before I met Angel, I was really wanting to visit this Nazarene church that's a little bit closer than the church I go to...because I have a new friend that goes to that church and someone I work with goes to that church and finally, this other new friend I made a few months ago at their neighborhood party goes to that church...the last friend is about 25 and is very available but she doesn't access email often (in retrospect, should have gotten her number).

So I'm sick of all of that...and I'm sick of either leaving everything to chance and wait for possibly nothing, just maybe giving up and not bothering, or going back out with my Downes Syndrome ex-gf....

...believe me, if the worst does happen and Angel was in a fatal accident...I will possibly have a "fatal accident" of my own...I'd rather have one that either go back out with Angela OR just giving up
Sep. 1st, 2003 08:58 pm (UTC)
Re: thanks! :))
Well, I was not in a fatal accident and you were not "dumped" or "used". You and I had a communication problem of some sort. I must not have been as specific in my details as I thought I was. My plans for the weekend were to go to Louisiana on Sunday around noon and go to church with my friend that night, spend the night with them, have a cookout today (Monday) with them, and then return home around 7 pm. I ended up returning home at almost 8 pm instead. It is always so hard to leave and say goodbye. Lol. I had no idea that you did not realize I was staying the night. I almost called you last night and wish I had now. I have already spoken with you on the phone about this by now, but I am sorry I didn't clarify myself enough on this. Next time I will know better. Lol. But just so it is clear, Angel is alive and well and back at home safe and sound!
Now, Al, my dear, do not ever worry yourself this much again. I understand you worry and concern but you are going to worry yourself sick like this. Don't do that again! Lol. You remember, your day is coming. Lol. In the future, when you have not heard from me when you think you should have, please be patient and wait a day longer. Sometimes life keeps us off the net and then when our friends start to worry, we peek our heads in for a check. Lol. (Can you tell I have kids? Lol.)
Now behave yourself and quit worrying.
With all my love,
Sep. 1st, 2003 10:10 pm (UTC)
Re: thanks! :))
Yay!!! My love is back!!!

Time to bow at the Shrine of Subaru... LOL

*kisses my Angel all over...*
Sep. 2nd, 2003 04:34 pm (UTC)
~Skips on in, humming "Here comes the bride"~
*L--Don't blush, Al; I'm just joking.
So glad that all worked out to the best.
See, Al, God does care about each of our little ant-sized lives. (Well, we must resemble ants from up in heaven, don't you think?)

Angel-Glad to 'meet' you. You sound very pleasant (or at least you write that way). You're good for Al.

Kyla (yes, Al, I live in a perpetual semi-SIM; don't ask)

~Waltzes out, whistling~
Sep. 3rd, 2003 07:33 pm (UTC)
Re: ~Skips on in, humming "Here comes the bride"~
Hi Kyla,
Nice to meet you too. Thank you for the kind comment. You sound very pleasant as well.
You think I am good for Al? Well, I hope so. I already like him. Lol. Anyway, Al is ok. He is a good person. My sister worries about me too much though. I guess because we met online. But I tell her there are lots of good people on the net. My Al is one of them. Lol.
And you are right, God does care about us all. Sometimes it just takes a little longer for our prayers to be answered.
Nice to meet ya,
Sep. 2nd, 2003 04:39 pm (UTC)
Also, Al, dearest..........
um......a little favor to ask....
Could you get me an activation account number so that I can become a LiveJournal user?? It talks about it on the main page, but only someone who's already signed up can get one for a friend. Thanks, pal.

If I can ever help you out, let me know.

)And if that means not posting here, *L, that's fine, too(

Sep. 4th, 2003 10:56 am (UTC)
Thanks, all...

Thanks, *Al*, for helping em to get an account. I stayed up until 2 last night to set it up. That's one cool thing about college--you can stay up to all hours without feeling guilty. You can sleep to all hours, too... I love being awake at night--it's so peaceful if you stay up beyond the late-night partiers.

*Angel*- Yes, prayers do seem to take a long time to be answered either positively or negatively, but it is worth it since God's will is always best. But, it's really hard to see that when you're in the midst of a trying ordeal.
Anyway...you're sister is right about being cautious, but it sounds like you have pretty good judgement, too. You're a 'big girl' now, right? *L. It's great to 'meet' someone I've heard so much about.

Sep. 4th, 2003 05:06 am (UTC)

I hope it works out for you.
Sep. 5th, 2003 11:07 pm (UTC)
thanks for adding me...
and I think you're pretty for a geek. ;) very sensitive too I love that...love my gf more though...
Sep. 9th, 2003 04:15 pm (UTC)
Re: thanks for adding me...
Awww, I just saw this, and thank you. :)
Sep. 9th, 2003 06:36 pm (UTC)
Re: thanks for adding me...
Hey no problem....it's what I think, and if a very nice and decent guy like me thinks so then the opinion must have some weight and merit, right?

You are very much attractive...and smart...and funny. :)
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )