Skrain Bodak (skrain_bodak) wrote,
Skrain Bodak

This position is full!!

I'm frustrated from yesterday and today...I swear I am too slow and clumsy and in some areas stupid. I'm sick of being physically slow, on occasion mentally slow, and having bad timing and I also am sick of not being able to do anything about it... Being slow on many levels is part of who I am and the last two days are just periods that punctuate that I will ALWAYS not be comfortable with that part of me AT ALL. In fact I HATE and DESPISE that part of me....I wish that Someone would do me a favor and take me out and "reboot" me in a manner of speaking so that I wouldn't be so slow.....

There was some thought or mental voice in my head that said something like "Ignore the bad parts of being slow, the good way to look at it is that if or when you find the right one for the right relationship, that if you focus such slowness into taking things slow that the relationship would be better...the other person would be appreciated...instead of taking things way to fast and not savoring the relationship" but even that's too wordy for what I was thinking for anywhere from a half second to 2 was mostly symbols....

Besides it was soon drowned out by self anger and self disgust...


Yesterday I told Heather "Hey I've been trying to call but you didn't return my message...and then your voicemail was full at the end of the week" and she said that her and her sister were out of town. Then when I asked about the date she told me "I don't know if you know this but I have a bf...(etc)." and I was like "Why didn't you tell me last week? I thought he was just a close friend" and she tells me they even knew each other for a while!!

Why is it that other guys are quicker than I am????? Why is it that even tho no matter how long I know someone they always find some other guy that just happens to ask them out first or is more perceptive as when "so and so" breaks up w/ their current bf?? There is so much more I have to ask but would never even ask on here and to think about b/c if I think, I'll calm down and I'm too angry to calm down!! Angry at myself, angry at the other guys quicker than me, angry at my friends that fall for them angry at the stupid customers that are too STUPID to turn around and go down the street to my former employer when they see that we're busy enough at it is and short handed!!! ..............

I forgot what I was going to problems.....if I calm down I'll forget and I'm too angry to think.....and in an hour or so, I'll also be too drunk to think as well!!
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